Vinyl Sounds Better. Open Your Friggin' Ears, Idiot.

Listen.  Vinyl flat out sounds better, and if you don't believe me then you're an idiot.

turntable vinyl

Digital music sounds cold and lifeless.  I hate being able to "hear through" a digitally perfect mix and recording.  That's why I only listen to vinyl records now.  The noise floor isn't "exaggerated," that's just how it is... it's saturation, man.  It's tape warmth.

Each scratch on the record is a time capsule to an experience another audiophile of the past had.  Each piece of dust collected on my $3,000 made-in-China in 2017 needle sends me back to the good old days when people didn't care about the quality of the needles on their record players.  I sure as hell don't.

record player stylus

I even bought an electron microscope to make sure I was accumulating enough dust on my stylus.  Yes, that's what we in the know call a needle.

Look though, seriously.  Do you know how much compression and drop in bit-rates is going on with MP3's?  The last thing I want between my favorite artists and my ears is an analogue-to-digital converter.  I can hear the difference between a 256 kbps MP3 and an 320 kbps one.  And this is why I had to spend $10,000 on this gold-plated cable.  I actually had to buy two of them because two mono cables has a purer sound than a stereo cable thanks to the sub-atomic braiding of the shielding.  This is why technology has only gone backwards.  I'm thinking about wiring my own cables, actually.  People today are like audio cavemen.

cable elevators

Please don't tell me you're one of these people that let their cables touch the floor?  I'm literally shaking right now.

"Did you know that I can even hear the difference between the brand of battery I put in my amplifier's remote control?"

If you're going to keep listening to CD's like an imbecile, at least paint the tops green.  It helps with laser dispersion.  Also, use some sandpaper to smooth the outer ring of the disc to make sure it's balanced so it spins properly.  Make sure you hit back or forward between each track too.  Otherwise you accumulate clocking errors and increase jitter.  The same can happen with any digital player, it's not your fault.

audiophile amplifier

By the way, my listening room is immaculate.  All my things have tubes exposed.  Tubes have warmth.  And having them exposed guarantees me that the interference from space neutrinos filters out the ionized electronic 60 Hz hum.  I bet you didn't even know about that.  I used to be naive about stuff like that too.  I'm not even going to tell you about the transformers.  You aren't ready.

Do yourself the favor and delete your hard drive, uninstall Spotify, rip out your satellite radio in the car, and grow some ears that actually work.  You've never heard the Beach Boys until you listen to the original mono mixes on first or second generation vinyl pressings.  Mine sounds so good you can even hear Charles Manson in the background sacrificing a chicken.

audiophile idiot

By the way, what's acoustic treatment?  And can I borrow $5 for gas?