Now I've Seen It All: Bear Plays Trumpet and Dances a Jig

This bear...  I've never seen a bear train a human this well.  First he tells the human to fetch his ceremonial trumpet and place it lightly upon his royal head.  Then the unthinkable happens:

He then blows the magical melody, immediately summoning a german shepherd dog from the aether, and then calls upon his human to catch the heirloom trumpet, passed down to him from his father and from his father before him, as he releases it from his grasp.

Word on the street is that back in medieval times bears looked a bit like monkeys and could even play the bagpipes.

bagpipe- bear

I've been told by my insider sources that King Bear then glances over his vast kingdom, seeing it as unsightly, and commands the human to mount the riding lawnmower.

This whole stupid post reminds of this movie I saw once when I was little.  This bear cub gets separated from its mother and is running around the woods carrying on and comes across a real colorful mushroom, which he proceeds to eat and trips his bear balls off.  Dead serious.

You thought I was joking, but I just found the clip on YouTube.  Check out this artistic mastery:

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