Juliet's First Hardcore Song. "I Love Robert!"

Let's open up this pit!

Juliet wastes no time launching her metal career with the release of her newest track entitled "My First Hardcore Song." Juliet's first hardcore song goes hard, indeed. I just snapped my collarbone head-banging to it. The best part is it's less than a minute long, so you can listen to it several times and memorize it like I have.


Get your two-step on!

I swear, that might be the most quotable song ever written. Not a single lyric is wasted, and each is delivered in the fiercest but most genuine fashion possible. I honestly really believe that Juliet loves Robert. I wouldn't want to come between the two, seeing how hardcore this girl is, especially after watching her punch at her stuffed animals in the trampoline mosh pit. I tried the same thing and now my cat won't come out from under the bed.

It brings a tear to my eye as I reminisce about my own pet fishes and the tea parties I used to have on the trampoline with my dollies... I remember it like it was yesterday. Probably because it was yesterday.  I'm so lonely. Anyone want to come over and play? We'll order a pizza and keep it hot in my Easy-Bake Oven. We can even get two toppings to celebrate the occasion.

juliet loves robert the dog

I Love Robert!!!

I'm so lonely that I picked up my yearbook to look back to a time when I was forced daily to leave my mom's basement to go to school. I had friends, acquaintances, interactions, sometimes even eye contact. One time a teacher even called on me to go to the board and solve a problem. I remember it clearly because it was the same day I got sent home early for not having bathed in a month.

I'm not sure what the problem was besides that, though. I always did my homework and made straight A's on my report card. I even played some sports. I was a handsome kid, too. Check out my 3rd grade photo. I was such a cutie. I'm not sure why people avoided me so much.

hardcore kid

Ah, much simpler times they were. Now you can't even spank your parents for misbehaving without ending up in the detention center again. I loved the days when a bus would pick me up for school, I'd get to see people and sunlight, then I'd come home and chain myself back to the radiator like a good boy and watch cartoons all day with my own dog. He'd even share some of his puppy chow with me when I hadn't earned my own bowl that day.

Now I'm expected to have a job, make money, pay rent, and all other manner of uncool stuff. At least I learned how to type so I can keep this blog up to date while I travel with the carnival. I've got a decent paying side show musical act going on. I'm like a celebrity now. People scream for/at me and constantly take my picture. Some women even faint when they see me. I'm living the dream!