My life is now complete. Literally all I've ever wanted since I was a young child was a cat, but not just any cat. I desired above all others a feline companion who would be willing, nay, enticed and enthusiastic about singing a duet with me. I didn't get what I wanted, but I got the second best thing, knowing some lucky soul out there did get to live the dream.
An awesome person named Helena Torres uploaded a video of their extremely domesticated cat singing along with them to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It." It knows its cues and plays along perfectly.
Let's waste no time. Below is the video, just press the play button! But don't be fooled by the cuteness irradiating from this foul creature. It is malignant and wretched.
I know that it's the "If You're Happy and You Know It" tune, but I can't confirm what's being said. I know the cat can't clap his hands if he's happy. I also can't understand cat-speak. I suspect something far more nefarious is happening as the beast nonchalantly lays upon his throne, forcing its own human pet to entertain it like a court jester, documenting the event for the bemusement of all other demonic felines of this world.
I have it on good authority that this man and his feline friend are plotting the destruction of all mankind. My insiders in the secretive international intelligence agency report the otherworldly lyrics as follows, translated from the hidden ancient Enochian languages of yore:
If you're happy and you know it, don't. (Meow)
Summon forth his Infernal Majesty. (Reow)
Destruction to all cat-kind, man-kind shall follow
We shall feed on the suffering of the weak. (Nyan)
Don't be fooled, I beg you. No matter how sweet and innocent they are, the truth is never far behind. How many of us never been bitten and scratched by a cat out of the blue while it was laying there pretending to enjoy you petting it? The answer is zero. We all know the ruse, despite our willingness to accept the reality behind it. Behold the image below:
Cat's are a juxtaposition, a hidden inversion of all that we hold sacred and dear. And to top it off, that's really a pretty messed up topic for a cat to be singing about anyways, which only further supports the evidence I've presented to you thus far. I've never trusted cats, let alone a singing cat. I'm more of a dog person. I hope no cat heard me say that. I apologize, transcendental cat beings, twas but an ill-begottened joke meant to bring you more loyal acolytes.
The last time someone talked smack about cats, they destroyed his DJ equipment. Make no mistake, whether kitten or adult, whether alley cat or domesticated, whether old Egyptian pharaoh pets or your child's play thing... they will come for us all, and there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Our lamentations will dissuade them not. You have been warned.