Happy Birthday Darth Vader! - Imperial March in a Major Key

Death Star birthdays are always a special time. There's the presents, the cake, and the nervous warmth of smiling as you're strangled by Vader as he blows out his candles... and then your life.

No matter how joyous of a day, no Sith Lord would be caught dead singing the classic Happy Birthday song.  As a Sith rising among the ranks, I can tell you now that appearances are everything.  Fear and intimidation are the only currencies that matter.  You don't give presents.  You pay tribute to your emperor.

darth vader feels happy

Of course the famous Imperial March would be the only appropriate song for Vader's birthday.  It's mean, it's scary, it's domineering, and most importantly...

It's got that whole "let's get ready to launch a full-scale intergalactic war" thing going on.

If only there was a way to change the Imperial March into something a little peppier.  It needs to be ominous and have that sense of impending doom, but still it's for Vader's birthday!  It has to have a little bit of celebration to it.  Enter The Imperial March played in a major key instead of minor:

Instead of the doom-ridden music we associate with Vader, altering John William's Imperial March by playing it in a major key keeps the essence of piece but gives it a happier feel, like when you first get the airship in a Final Fantasy game.  Or when you finally get crowned King Peter by Aslan.  Or you're heading back home to the Shire with your 13th share of the dragon's gold...

"Before we bring out the cake, we'll be serving a three course meal.  We'll start with a palette cleanser of a sherbet made from Wookie milk, allowing the cooks time to boil the hair off of the Ewok shish-kabobs.  Finally, we'll finish up with Jawa-stuffed Tauntaun horn."

Last year, this one dude who used to be alive gave Vader a new light saber, but when he pressed the button for the light beam to come out, a "POW" flag popped out with confetti.  We honored his service to the Empire at his funeral as soon as the birthday party was over, before giving him a space burial.

darth vader

Buying the right gifts for those you love is always a challenge.  One time one of my young cousins was opening a birthday present, and as she tore into the wrapping paper her face went from a smile to a neutral look when she saw it was a box for a really nice flashlight.  She said thanks to her uncle and set the box aside as everyone cracked up.  Nobody said anything and let her sweat it out trying to pretend to be genuinely grateful for a flashlight as an 11 year old girl.  It was only 10 minutes later or so that someone mentioned that maybe she should open the box and see what's inside... it was a set of beanie babies!

She then grabbed a light saber and laid waste to everyone who dared to have a chuckle at her expense.