Praise His Holy Name: American Idol to End

Hey, I calls it like I sees it.  After 15 seasons of corruption, the big-wigs have decided that profit margins have dwindled far enough for American Idol to end.  I'm sure The Voice will continue to enthrall us all for another decade to come, yippee?

your overlords

When product placements run rampant, you know it's over. That's not the only coca that's been on that table.

We must honor our supreme overlords by appending the word "dawg" to the end of every sentence and playing "good cop, bad cop" to everyone who stands before us.

Let's remember the highlights from the early seasons when anyone still gave a crap, such as when we were told that nobody could enter the competition who previously had had a recording contract.  And then Kelly Clarkson won and was lifted to stardom, despite her previous recording contracts.

Let's not forget the political escapade of walking on egg-shells while everyone tried to decide which candidate was more P.C. to vote for, the obese black guy or the malnourished gay ginger guy.  And after Ruben "Sammy" Studdard won, Clay Aiken laughably decided to try the same stunt in real politics.  "Hey, this guy can sing... like really good.  I hereby nominate him to join Congress.  Do I have a second?  Hear hear."

I must say, American Idol jumped the shark with the LGBT angle well before Glee ever considered it.  So they had that going for them.  I did like Adam Lambert though, for reals.  That Blake Lewis guy was a killer on-stage, but his solo record was just bad.  "B-Shorty on the mic!".  Wat.

After 15 hellacious years of lies, corrupt competition, a broken digital voting system, and more, we bed the farewell, American Idol.  We barely knew thee.


Until the cookie-cutter conveyor belt finds a new way of pumping out worker drones for the old men at the top of the music industry, we bid thee farewell...